You're my little dorito
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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