After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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