I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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