We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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