I cannot find my penis.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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