roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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