I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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