My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
