i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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