I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
