going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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