I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
