Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
