when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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