Are we in a gay sports bar?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
