Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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