we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize