I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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