Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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