i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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