there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
