She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
