my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
