i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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