Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize