I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
