I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
