I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't turn off my feet"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
