the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
