haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize