we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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