my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
