I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
