Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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