Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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