Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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