I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
