wakey wakey hands off snakey
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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