He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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