Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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