What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
