Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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