Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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