Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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