I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
