none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So much rum. So many feels.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
