that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
