I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
