i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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