dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
