I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
