well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
