I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
