My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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