New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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