When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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