my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
