You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
