Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
