Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
