If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
