I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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