I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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