You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
