ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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