: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
