That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
