He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
