if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
