Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
