Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
