No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
