The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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