she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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