I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
